I.E. Food Truck Fest and a PSA on Spanx

Cocoa butter, check.
Spanx, check.
Tickets, check.

This weekend was the Inland Empire Food Truck Festival and of course I was in attendance. Because I won free tickets from IE weekly, yeah, that's the real reason. It's no secret I'm a mega fan of food trucks and true crime television, ever since I was a little ni~na eating tacos from trucks outside the swap meet. Food trucks have come a long way since then and are always showcased on the Food Network and Cooking Channel.The plan was to pace ourselves, and not get full off the first truck.

 

With the usual suspects, Krew Heartburn: baby daddy, Leo, Maricela

 

Is that tempura-ed mac n cheese in your stomach, or a basketball size uterus?

Trick question, both are correct.

Do you want to come to my house after and try on my clothes so I can take pictures of you in them and sell them to people on the internet? K thanks. 

With so much food around us, you'd think we'd have little else to discuss, but there was something bothering Maricela and I every place we turned and that was......the lack of Spanx. As decent, God loving women, Maricela and I both had ours on but woman after woman, big and small, was caught Spanx-less. 

The female rump is not a smooth topography. There are dimples and crimples, cracks and snaps, crevices and blemishes. Very few women have that baby smooth booty just washed with Johnson & Johnson, powdered the same, and Desitin for the win. So why are so many women wearing thongs and less with their cheap Forever 21 booty hugging attire? I don't get it.

Maybe they can't see it. Maybe they aren't to blame. As we discussed it further our boyfriends began to call us cruel haters. Especially when we even thought of a plan of action: starting a web campaign to please wear Spanx, posting headless photos of offenders around Southern California. But we are not haters, quite the opposite really, we want all women to look their best. This doesn't mean you have to go buy the legit "Spanx" brand, Assets by Target is fine, as is any thing from Ross, or your Mexican mother's hand me downs. She's been wearing Spanx and Sweating to the Oldies before you were forced to make that topographic map out of salty ass clay (yes, I tasted it). 

Wearing something between your ass and dress is a sign of dignity and class. It does not have to do with weight, as some would stigmatize. You think stars of today are walking the red carpet Spanxless? It's 2012 people, time to get real.  Please join us in our campaign to spread the power of Spanx and remove the stigma of this great under garment.

SPANX FOR WOMEN!

Who's with me?

 

Our daughter's daughters will adore us, and they'll sing in graceful chorus:

Well done, sister Spanxffragates.