Tuesday, May 8, 2012

I.E. Food Truck Fest and a PSA on Spanx

Cocoa butter, check.
Spanx, check.
Tickets, check.

This weekend was the Inland Empire Food Truck Festival and of course I was in attendance. Because I won free tickets from IE weekly, yeah, that's the real reason. It's no secret I'm a mega fan of food trucks and true crime television, ever since I was a little ni~na eating tacos from trucks outside the swap meet. Food trucks have come a long way since then and are always showcased on the Food Network and Cooking Channel.The plan was to pace ourselves, and not get full off the first truck.

With the usual suspects, Krew Heartburn: baby daddy, Leo, Maricela

Is that tempura-ed mac n cheese in your stomach, or a basketball size uterus?

Trick question, both are correct.

Do you want to come to my house after and try on my clothes so I can take pictures of you in them and sell them to people on the internet? K thanks. 

With so much food around us, you'd think we'd have little else to discuss, but there was something bothering Maricela and I every place we turned and that was......the lack of Spanx. As decent, God loving women, Maricela and I both had ours on but woman after woman, big and small, was caught Spanx-less. 

The female rump is not a smooth topography. There are dimples and crimples, cracks and snaps, crevices and blemishes. Very few women have that baby smooth booty just washed with Johnson & Johnson, powdered the same, and Desitin for the win. So why are so many women wearing thongs and less with their cheap Forever 21 booty hugging attire? I don't get it.

Maybe they can't see it. Maybe they aren't to blame. As we discussed it further our boyfriends began to call us cruel haters. Especially when we even thought of a plan of action: starting a web campaign to please wear Spanx, posting headless photos of offenders around Southern California. But we are not haters, quite the opposite really, we want all women to look their best. This doesn't mean you have to go buy the legit "Spanx" brand, Assets by Target is fine, as is any thing from Ross, or your Mexican mother's hand me downs. She's been wearing Spanx and Sweating to the Oldies before you were forced to make that topographic map out of salty ass clay (yes, I tasted it). 

Wearing something between your ass and dress is a sign of dignity and class. It does not have to do with weight, as some would stigmatize. You think stars of today are walking the red carpet Spanxless? It's 2012 people, time to get real.  Please join us in our campaign to spread the power of Spanx and remove the stigma of this great under garment.


Who's with me?

Our daughter's daughters will adore us, and they'll sing in graceful chorus:

Well done, sister Spanxffragates. 


  1. Well, I don't wear it and I don't know a single soul who does, but if you tell me it's that important then I BELIEVE YOU because you are A Woman Who Knows Things!

    You and your friend are both so beautiful I would love to paint you. I can't actually paint but you INSPIRE me with your delightfully shiny locks and beautiful smiles and twinkly, cheeky eyes! So thanks for that. And the dimply crimply line... you're a poet.

    Sarah xxx

  2. Spanx? No thanks, I'd rather work out and go commando but I know where you're coming from, there's some shocking sights to behold when you're out and about.
    You are looking blooming gorgeous and that baby daddy of yours ain't too shabby either! x

  3. yay for food trucks and yay for spanx!! Love that hello kitty bag!

    x carlina

  4. O.M.G. I CANNOT stop laughing!!!!!!!!!

  5. ok, i controlled myself a little. your friend veronica looks AWESOME and now i wanna watch mary poppins.

  6. I can't wear Spanx and eat anything, the two are mutually exclusive, how are you managing it?? I thought Spanx were primarily for sucking in one's stomach at standy-uppy type cocktail parties, sitting down and/or eating anything results in severe pain! So I am impressed at your fortitude especially when you add pregnancy into the mix. Not that I wear thongs or booty dresses from Forever 21 mind you. Much.

    I do like the sound of food trucks.

  7. Spanx rule - except for when you get caught by the wind. But then i'd still rather flash my spanx than do a Lohan!!

    Glad you had a good day, I have never even heard of a blinking food truck event! WTH!?

    Sadie xx


  8. It's about time we started a revolution against all the spanx-less women! I am with you sister...and as proof, I talked about spanx in my blog too...it's a necessity, really. Let's do this! Rawrrrr (Do I sound brave?)BTW, you looked totally cute, baby bump included and Y-E-S on the pregnant Retrodoll photo session missy!

  9. I tried to get into a pair of Spanx, a couple of years ago, and was unsuccessful. I worked up such a sweat and could not get them on no matter how hard I tried! I almost dislocated a shoulder in the process. I ended exhausted and frustrated in the end. More power to you! You look lovely!

  10. LOL! loved that last line!!! :D

  11. Mmm food trucks, We used own a taco truck back in the day was called "Dora's Tacos"
    You know I have never worn "Spanx" You look cute in your spanx.Isn't it bad to wear any kind of faja when your preg?
    I know what you mean about the G string ,but if they want to look fodongas alla ellas.


  12. wow you look gorgeous and you make me laugh out loud! i have never even known what "spanx" are....yikes....hope i've never grossed anyone out and now i am SOOOO curious to see pics of the offenders. i try not to wear the clingy stuff anyway cause i got wayyyy too much junk in my trunk for that.
    RED and turquoise power!!!!

  13. Totally with you on people covering up their ass! hate seeing rolls of fat pouring out of a cheese wire g string, yuk. Looking swell in that red dress lady :)

  14. haha!!! love it! where would we be without spanx!! you look great by the way, little baby bump s so cute! xx

  15. Nice Mary Poppins reference! Anyone who has ever watched "How To Look Good Naked" knows that everyone needs to invest in good undergarments that are figure flattering!

  16. Okay first, you are absolutely beautiful, pregnancy looks good on you! Second, spanx ain't for everyone, I too have had some terrifying times attempting to wear them, they are not made for comfort!
    Third, here's what I have learned from my years on the earth, if I see something that offends me in what someone is wearing, I can look away! BECAUSE believe it or not someone, somewhere at sometime looks at any of us and goes -"oh my gawd! What is she wearing, and why? Doesn't she own a mirror"? I'm just sayin...

  17. Ooh girl lol I luv my spanx from Tar-jar!!! I were n lovely body smoothing garments all the time and wouldn't go without it I so agree with movement.....Spanx for every women!!!!!!!


Thanks for taking the time to share your thoughts. Much Love!