Madame Sophia would like to offer you some free Horrorscopes for this Halloween week.
dress- Gypsy Land in Desert Hot Springs, CA. HIGHly recommend this place.
Capricorn- Onesies aren't just for the newly born. Embrace thy inner snap crotch, a bodysuit can be the perfect solution to a sloppy undershirt that keeps riding up. Try one under a blazer, or with some high waisted jeans. You can find one at any cheapy store like Eff 21. Best thing about it is you don't have to go to the bathroom topless, like you would with a leotard or romper. Don't you hate that? Awww snap.
Aquarius- You're not a whore, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't dress like one once in a while. Ok, you got dignity, I get it. You prob also got chichis or nalgas. Put them on display, even if it's just showing off your shape in a solid body con dress. What good is granny's beanie baby collection if she keeps it in the closet?
Pisces- K.I.S.S. Keep it simple, stupid. Don't get wardrobe anxiety. Pick out some solids, and color block them b*tch*s. Put on a chain, or some hoops, and get out the door. You're an artist, remember?
Aries- I see black in your future. Black torso and black legs. How about a pair of colored pumps? Or a colorful head scarf? Black doesn't show dirt, unless its a car.
Taurus- Your fall wardrobe is as stale as my grandma's day old Rainbow bread products. Go buy yourself a new treat or hem an old fave.
Gemini- Hey twinsie, choose your fave fashion icon and try your best to emulate their mad style. Even if it's your own mama. Wait, I changed my mind. ugh. That happens to you a lot, doesn't it?
Cancer- You're so fly you need feathers, feathers, somewhere. Si se puede.
Leo- *see Virgo, since most leos are supposed to be virgos anyways and I'm running low on ideas.
Virgo- Take a cue from fellow famous virgo Beyonce and get pregnant. Or, if you aren't ready, how about a fregnancy? fake pregnancy? That'll really get him to put a ring on it.
Libra- How does it feel to have everyone like you? Critical virgo wants to know. Get a cute cape and people will like you even more.
Scorpio- Match your undergarments. escorpio. sting em, get em where it hurts.
Sagittarius- While you're up to your old tricks, try this one: put a sweater over a dress, now everyone will think it's a skirt. tricky tricky. p.s. learn how to spell your own sign. double consanant, what a doosie.
I know I'm ridiculous,